Most people avoid confrontation when possible. Makes sense, why get into a dispute if you don’t have to? But sometimes a little confrontation now can avoid a massive fight later on – by talking through things early, you can keep harmful thoughts from building up inside until they boil over. This is important in almost any relationship – business partnerships, love interests, foreign relations, etc. However, we don’t do it because it can be very uncomfortable. Some subjects are very sensitive: sexual orientation, religion, political beliefs, finances, the list goes on.

I’m generally very passive in this regard, just letting people believe what they want to believe – especially with religion and politics (but then again maybe this is just because I don’t have the burning passion about them that some people have). My thinking took a turn after reading the appendix of “Eating Animals”, in which the author explains the importance of vegetarians spreading the gospel to end factory farming and save the world. I learned that if you have the goal of making change in this world, you are going to need to recruit others on your side, even when the subject is sensitive or others don’t immediately care.

One individual can have a humongous influence with the ripple effect, where the new recruit turns around and recruits someone else. In the example of choosing not to eat meat, there are three meals a day where you influence others without getting up on a soapbox. But is that enough? To do more would require an uncomfortable conversation. I am willing to make the personal sacrifice of limited food options, but am I willing to put myself in awkward situations where I am apparently judging others’ beliefs?

Meatetarian or vegetarian is not even the most sensitive of subjects. What about other areas I might like to influence those around me? Especially those that don’t obviously and publicly occur three times a day. Even worse, during these conversations I would likely find strongly entrenched beliefs rather than the chosen indifference of meat-eaters. Good luck to anyone who wants to talk to my Grandfather about how the president is performing.

I recently watched a TED talk about the most sensitive topic of all, religion. It is ridiculous in this day and age that we can’t openly talk about religious beliefs when the other person isn’t the same religion. It’s even more ridiculous that such small differences in beliefs lead to wars. The first step to overcome this is to openly talk about religion and truly understand one another. Well, what better way to start this understanding than watching a video you are not likely to agree with? Here is Richard Dawkins advocating militant atheism.

The militant part of his belief is extremely interesting. He is advocating the millions of closet atheists stand up for their beliefs in the hopes that it will cause a ripple effect. Even if the atheist is unable to convince someone there isn’t a God, at least it will tear down the belief that you can’t talk about the taboo subject. This in itself is a win – we will understand each other better and avoid massive fights down the road.

There needs to be conclusion to all of these thoughts – having these conversations is difficult, but important. Sensitive conversations should be practiced – with each one you will become more comfortable. Find an ingrained belief and try to talk through it with someone you are comfortable with. Play the devil’s advocate if necessary – be able to intelligently present counterpoints even if its not what you personally believe. Then when you encounter a situation where you want to influence someone on a sensitive subject, you’ll be ready.

Here is a question for my readers: is my tendency to shy away from labels related to this? For example, I didn’t quit, I retired. I don’t meditate, I practice focus and mindfulness. I don’t do yoga, I stretch and some people choose to give cute names to some of the stretches I do. I’d like to think this is my way of avoiding being judged so that it can lead to an intelligent conversation, what do you think?

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Photo: Phil Gibbs