Here’s a little secret for you. Anyone who actually enjoys making small talk is boring. Do you think I really want to talk about the weather? I don’t have the patience to wait and see if you have anything better to say. Life is too short, there are too many interesting people out there for me to be wasting my time with you.
You don’t want to be Susie Smalltalk, you want to be interesting. What makes someone interesting? They have a passion for things. More specifically, they have an irrational passion for things. It’s far too common to be into cars, fashion, or football. Boring. But being passionate about something that is so random it seems irrational to be so excited about it, now that is interesting.
All you have to do is drop superlatives about a subject the person you’re speaking with has never thought about. Then back it up with supporting arguments that could logically make sense.
“The greatest travesty in the textile industry is that wool has been replaced by inferior technologically advanced materials.”
“A Knight’s Tale is the only chick flick guys actually enjoy more than girls.”
“Ice is the greatest luxury that people take completely for granted.”
“Run DMC is the most influential music group of all time.”
This naturally lends itself into teaching them something, which interesting people will enjoy. It also gives your conversational partner the opportunity to challenge you – it is these people that you want to clench on to. Don’t worry if you lose the debate. Yes, the Beatles were also quite an influential band. Good for them. The important thing is that you are having an stimulating conversation and discovering whether the person is worth speaking with again.
Let’s get to thinking … what are some subjects that you are irrationally passionate about?
Photo: Noukka Signe
Interesting thought. But if you follow this advice for making interesting small talk, I feel like the result could also go the other way. Instead of finding his person fascinating to talk to, the conversation partner might find this person irrationally annoying. I have definitely spoken to people at bars who were acting as if they were so irrationally passionate about something just so they could get a reaction out of me (or maybe they were trying to flirt with me and I didn’t realize it). Regardless, if people try to be too irrationally passionate about something, it can sometimes act as a give away that they really don’t have anything to say. Ans if they keep at it, their conversation partner may end up more annoyed than anything else.. When I run into these “too irrationally passionate” people, I usually end up wishing they would just talk about something normal.
Hahaha that is great feedback! My response is that they should pay attention to social clues. They might be soooo passionate that they could talk to a wall, but they aren’t talking to a wall. They should notice your reaction and be willing to quickly switch to talking about something else that you might find interesting – but still something they are equally excited about that isn’t small talk!
What does the photo have to do with the topic?
Mostly that it is interesting.
I agree that expressing genuine passion for random interests makes for the best conversations. Little irritates me more than listening to a boring story that the teller has clearly told so many times before that it sounds like they’re reading off a script. Blah. Go bore someone else please.
The chitchat and banal conversations make me think that people act like their own PR agents way too much. Heaven forbid you say something strongly worded or that someone else might disagree with. Better to stick to neutral topics lest anyone get the wrong impression or judge you for something you say (which typically reflects more on the judger than the judged btw).
I believe that my random list of passions has endeared me to acquaintances and friends. At the worst, it’s probably made people think I’m an oddball. At the best, it’s made my preferences (and me) memorable:
A friend picked out all of the white animal cookies for me for my 25th birthday party. (I have a theory that the white animal cookies are superior to the pink because the white icing has to be thicker in order to cover the color of the cookie beneath.) Oh, and expressing this theory also led to an acquaintance going out of her way to buy me the last bag of animal cookies when Mother’s Cookies went bankrupt in 2008. (Not to worry, they were bought up and the original animal cookies are still available!) So nice when friends know your silly preferences and someone you barely know thinks of you!
My list of passions ranges from the superficial (shampoo) to the serious (gay rights). Call me crazy, but please don’t call me boring 😉
It runs in the family! I’m glad to hear you think along the same lines.
Good to be interested in things. Not good to excuse small talk. Small talk = offer that is often accepted.
Small talk leads to interesting talk when you find mutual interests/connections.
Declarative superlatives = one of many ways to get to interesting talk. Not conventional, so higher hit/miss variance.
Small talk is to appetizers as interesting talk is to rich chocolate cake. Most people wait to savor dessert at the end of the meal. Then want to do it again another time.
Most encounters you have a short window to decide whether that person is exciting. The default outcome is that both people go their separate ways and you may run into them again some day.
With small talk, you are going to have the offer accepted and then both head your separate ways. With the less conventional approach of superlatives, you may not have a high success rate, but you will likely make some lasting connections.
So what is your goal – not to look weird or to find people you would get along with?
Say weird thing, attract weird people! Weird same as interesting?
That is a tough question to answer straight up, so I will not.
If weird, you will quickly be able to decide whether you find it interesting, which will end the conversation or make it enthralling. Win win (because ending it beats the alternative, small-talk).
I agree with Pops. Mostly it was the only comment I could read to the end before growing bored and giving up. Sorry!
All these passionate readers that want to get their thoughts out!
More like if you care enough to take the time to write a post on a specific topic, I respect you and care enough to leave a meaningful comment that actually answers your question or contributes to the discussion.
I disagreed with Pops for wasting an opportunity to actually share and connect.
Sorry! <—- Where is that damn sarcastext when you need it?