I don’t think everyone is aware of the huge problem facing mankind. No, not global warming. This one isn’t talked about for some reason, but soon it could be an even bigger problem than global warming. I’m talking about infertility, specifically male infertility.

Children of Men is an excellent movie about the world in 2027, 18 years after the last human was born. That’s right, the human race became sterile – the scary thing is that this scenario is not as ridiculous as you would think. In the movie it is due to a genetic defect in women, but in real life it is more likely to be men that are the downfall.

Sperm counts are dropping like middle school girls running hurdles. It’s bad. In the last 50 years it is estimated that sperm counts have halved. Even worse, they show no signs of stopping – every year sperm counts around the world are dropping 1 to 2 percent. Do I need sources for this? No. I don’t care what the exact numbers are – there is so obviously a correlation, it doesn’t matter if it is only half as bad as I just said. The fact remains, we are doing some real damage.

So what is happening? Unfortunately there isn’t one answer, there are numerous environmental factors that contribute to this decline. Things like plastics, pesticides, soy products, obesity, sitting in an office all day, and more. Pretty much everything in our lives …

There is one that has come up in the last 15 years that should be more publicized – leaving a cell phone on in your pocket! Even a limited exposure of an hour a day has been shown to immensely kill sperm and lower testosterone. Luckily, this is an easy problem to fix. Enter the Save Our Balls Pocket Shield. This is a simple product I am producing that will protect your cojones – simply clip the shield to your pocket before putting on your pants and it will block the radiation from hitting your boys. Perfect!
 

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• You might ask, why not just stop carrying your cell phone in your pocket? Guys have nowhere else to put it. Next you will probably ask, why such a gimmicky product name? Hopefully it’s memorable and helps with viral-ness. Who is interested in starring in or otherwise helping with a hilarious infomercial-type video?
• There are a couple sources on the radiation pocket protector product website. I recommend watching the video and checking out the studies.
• Big thanks to Fenner for coming up with the name Save Our Balls. I think he threw it out as a joke and I actually liked it!
• The website is a WordPress site hosted on EC2. It would have been easier to host somewhere else, but EC2 is taking over the server world so I figured I’d give it a shot. It took longer than I expected …
• I was hoping that Adwords would be able to generate a bunch of sales of the product. Unfortunately this does not appear to be the case – there simply isn’t enough search volume about cell phone radiation hurting sperm/testosterone. And it is way too expensive to bid on more generic “improve sperm count” / “low t” terms.
• Let me know if the nerds are interested in hearing more about my first EC2 and Adwords experiences and I’ll consider dedicating a post to it.

Photo: Kelly Schott